I can hear in you the hum of
electric lights –
papery-wasted skin,
hair, a chemical crimson waste of color.
The hue of whorish lips, a monstrous, bloody smile.
I feel in you something immovable
like ghost-town concrete,
abandoned strip malls and
the frightful vacancy of a bleary-eyed sky.
I can taste in you the sadness of cold and muffled stars
a Spring of standing water, infested with guilt and darkened
by summerless shadows.
Child, you are no broken light,
once bright like the falling Niagara,
sunny and vivid, self-fulfilling and strong
you fell with a woman’s grace, so gracefully
did you wither –
What awaits you now but your coming resurrection?
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139,418 Literary Works • 672,559 Reviews
Loved the imagery in this. Very mysterious as always. Lots of dark description. Good job
Wow! This was really really pretty! I love how you pit the two images and contrasted them with each other... the spring of water and the chemical mess, and kind of combined the two ideas into one. The result is that you go from the very natural kind of person, who is as powerful as Niagara Falls, to someone who is desperately weak and stagnant. To make it even more interesting, you have the whole chemical thing, so not only does the water seems stagnant and dead but the chemicals seem to pollute this one person to the point where, not only is this person stagnant but also toxic to anyone around it. So, it's just really really awesome how you were able to pull that off, and you definitely get brownie points for connecting two seemingly unconnected ideas with each other so beautifully.
I also love how you have the contrast of how she was and how she is now, in the metaphor.
The only one real confusion I have is a little nitpick... the resurrection. Before this, you haven't really mentioned anything of religion or the type, so when I saw this, I was kind of taken aback. But, this remains a very beautiful poem.
Ok, this is like, breathtaking. Wow. I'm in awe ofk your work.
Normally with poems like these, I get bored about half way through and end up just clicking the back button and reading something else. But with this, my eyes were totally glued to the screen the whole time, and I even read it again when I was done the first time!
I don't have any corrections that are not already stated above.
Wow.
fantastic job!
~Ktg
P.S. Please PM me when you post something new. I want to read your work!
I dont usually like this kind of stuff, but I felt the emotion in this poem, I didnt quite feel the chills I get when I read something really good, but I did shiver a bit. A very good effort, Keep Writing!
Okay, this was really amazing! Breath-taking piece, and the ending was very well-done.
gasp! Awesome description! Oh, wow....now I just have to ask what this has to do with May. Unless you wrote it in May...I honestly couldln't see any relation to May other than that. cool job. Loved it.